Thursday, December 20, 2012

Christmas is painfully alive .....

I have physical feelings.
My gout hits me mostly
sometimes makes me limp
but not like the  past = 
when it made me crawl.

Exterior Feelings!

There are others
interior ones.
The most painful
lingering ......

"Why am I afraid
to tell you who I am"
is my favourite book of all time.

Regular clickers this way

will know I have a commitment
to tell you who I am.
Being L5 really.

I am feeling lots.
Age is a little more forefront
Tired is an experience more.
But I strive to be restless
not being -  so much
but becoming

Also Ann Joy and men + Conniepops
are coming home for Christmas.
I don't think we have been hosts for 10 years.
Latter years we have been at Joys.

Our home will be full of STARS!!
It is like a centring of the stars around the sun.

(I suppose thats what happened at Christmas - 
the stars popped out to see the celebrations).

I wil enjoy Christmas
but don't fall over about it.
I like the rest of life too!
I know some humans, maybe most,
who are dying for the season to happen.
The holiday, treats, food, drink, family .......

I feel good about it all but
not taken over by it.

Feelings still - 
I delight in two bottles of Champagne arriving at the door.
Food parcels too - (hampers really)

News and Cards from friends
and ex best friends from teenage years.

Feeling also unease 
because of the wounded
alone, lost, hurting, separated at Christmas.
So many will be alone at Christmas.
So many hating Christmas.
Those banished from their family home
because of 
relationships ......

Some time ago I did a Christmas themed group work session
with a group of young humans living in a hostel.
Most struggled with soft or harder drugs
or insecurity, lack of confidence, homeless 
family-less ..... and more.
I asked them to name the main players in the Christmas story.
Mary, Joseph, Innkeeper, Wise Humans,Shepherds, - and the Angel of course.
I asked them to draw one of those names out of my cap.
Then we all shared how that person that they held in their palms
They 'felt' how they felt as it happened on the first Christmas.

It was powerful - extreme.
The feelings streamed,
I guess many mirroring their own feelings.

The room was still as we shared feelings together.
Relationships meeting at our point of need.
Wounded together .... listening ...

These Bible characters were feeling
missing home
away from family
sore from donkey riding
freezing from sleeping rough with the sheep
failure in not finding a proper bedroom
embarrassingly-gutted because 
they could only provide a stable
fearful because 
they had been threatened by the local authority - 
and they were 'supposed to be wise' .........

Christmas is painfully alive this Christmas ...........

"God entered into our world 
not with the crushing impact 
of unbearable glory,
but in the way of weakness,
vulnerability and need.
On a wintry night in an obscure cave,
the infant Jesus was a humble,
helpless God
who allowed us to get close to him.
We all know how difficult it is to receive anything 
from someone who has all the answers, 
who is completely cool,
utterly unafraid,
needing nothing and in control 
of every situation.
We feel unnecessary, 
unrelated to this paragon.
So God comes as a new-born baby,
giving us a chance to love him,
making us feel
that we have something to give him."

Brennan Manning