Wednesday, July 23, 2003

I am troubled tonight.
I am troubled deep.
I feel a deep sadness.
Not for myself.
The trouble in my soul is, I am only working this out as I click the keys, I feel deeply for the people I have been with.

Once a film for TV was made about the work I was doing, some years ago, and I felt not ok because they called it something like 'Hopeless'. I did not feel or believe the people I worked with were hopeless. I believed they were deprived and lost and bursting with creativity which was generaly, sadly, anti-social.

Am I saying these NOW people are 'hopeless'?
Thinking and scratching the brain, a brain which seems so close to the soul, I think they are not hopeless which is NO HOPE. I feel and think the word 'trapped' my be more appropriate.
It is not right to say this in that all are individuals and have unique issues in life. Sometimes I feel that they will have to get into a worse state before they can step away from it. Hope is a deep word, a Bible word, a positive, futuristic word. I want to lock into that and not to feel the oppression of their loss, deprivation,...............

The message of the incarnation is, I believe, is ......... we have to feel that pain ourselves so that our own soul aches, so we feel the brokenness, feel the depth of their trapped life style. It is what we believe, I reflect, which directs our attitudes, tone, decisions and role.

So, I now say I have to feel the pain but but reflect then above it. Lift up in Angel wings so that I am not trapped ......... but focussed and strategic in every relationship and ( again impossible) in every conversation and utterance.

Lord have mercy and roll on Greenbelt