Wednesday, October 20, 2004

I sobbed this week as I spoke - it just came to the surface as opened up.

...... He who was rich became poor .....
I sobbed this week as I spoke - it just came to the surface as opened up.

During the 'Road less Travelled' course I was leading this week it seemed appropriate to share a story and - that is when I choked, my words broke up, there was sobs in my words.

The story. My story.
I told about when I was working in the East End of London.
Working with youth gangs giving my all beyond breaking point.
Demanding it was.
Giving it was.
My Mother was to have her legs amputated - one above the knee, one below.
Here I was in Canning Town working with beautiful humans who were deep into crime and enjoying violence and my Mother was due to enter hospital.
I was sat near the snooker table. Back to the wall. I always sat with my back to the wall. The young humans I work with had heard of what was about to happen. I was subdued that evening and not my usual bustling, bouncy, verbal self.

As I sat with my back to the wall near to the snooker table - one of the toughest of the gangs walked around the table a couple of times. Then, as he walked by again, he just stroked my hair away from my forehead and walked on. That was the point when the sobs rose from my chest as told of that this week. As I click these keys now tears fill my eyes - again.

I choked, I think, because I was at a depth of vulnerability and I connected with that.
Also it was because I connected with the act of non-verbal sensitivity, gentleness and kindness pouring out of an inarticulate frame of a young man.
I remembered it and it moved my soul as I told it.

I learned a lot from that incident of care.
That instance was not a chosen act of vulnerability.
But I learned that it is a mistake to see vulnerability as a weakness.
Vulnerability is all about disclosing the authentic me.

Since then I have chosen, and tried my best, to reveal my vulnerability.
Not because I am submissive (instead of assertive) or in Child ego state (instead of Adult ego state).
It is part of the process of me 'telling you who I am'.
It has driven my sensitivity towards 'the least' 'the underside' and many beautiful humans I spend time with regularly who some say have 'special needs' - haven't we all?

So with the people we work with - some people call them clients, and those we work alongside - some say colleagues ..... it seems to me that we need to practice the naked act of sharing when we feel life experiences ...... both the roses and the thorns.

The one who came and shared and walked and hurt and wept alongside human kind ......... he who was rich became poor ....... HE was the one who, powerful enough to turn water into wine and make a blind man see, chose strategically to show his vulnerability even unto ..........

.......... the thorns ............