Wednesday, October 06, 2004

...................... I am feeling deep things as I blog ....... different things are collision in my soul right now ........ I will tell you who I am as much as I dare ...... and as would rightly be for others with their own level of confidentiality.

The work I do and want to do with groups - does never ever raise to my expectations. I have great hopes always.
Here, just behind me is a tough session of group work. Not tough and nasty but tough in terms of progression to meaning, human development and satisfaction for most if not all.
So that delivers some failure feelings as I reflect.
It leaves me with regrets.
The dynamics were all wrong and I am part - big part of this.
I yearn for a dynamic of depth and openness - often it is and I buzz like mad because I believe there are humans stepping forward .....
Not just now. hmm

A human who has been bashed by life - said to me today - verbal words not the more often 'slight touch of the hand on my upper arm'.
Real words saying that I do fantastic things and fantastic 'being'.
From those lips especially - so beautiful.
In itself SO developmental.

reading a blog of a friend which was all about
"Why am I afraid to tell you who I am ........... "
(remember it is the title of my favourite book ever)
These words were brave beyond all words by really telling 'who I am' ...... and I am feeling it - disturbed deep in my soul.
I want to be.
I want to feel it because at second hand it can never be like first hand.
Beautiful imperfection.

Two humans today - communicated to me with natural warmth. I have not known them long and with no real meaningful conversations, well 'yes' a bit, but their warmth, from terrible experiences of life, oozed acceptance of me. I believe that is good for the interior person - as well as the exterior person (me).

I said to the taxi man -
"Look after her - she is precious"


"Look after .......... you are precious"