Saturday, November 01, 2003

Well here I am after a rush of Yaconelli thoughts ..... .it has been somewhat like a blanket of emotion over me. I am not depressed but thoughtful to a depth that is scratching below the the surface of day to day normality.

Just been planning the diary for 2004. Trying to get in the dates for breaks and maybe a holiday. In there already are the big ones like Greenbelt, APS conference and meetings, a possible gig in Norway, European events and a ruby week-end. !! Yes a week-end date I have with Joan to celebrate forty years of wedlock!

No matter what we plan, there is a definite need to busk it. Life is not all planned by God or us. I spent some time trying to convince Yaconelli to come again next year to Greenbelt and ............ not to be.......

So I have feelings.
I know I am in a position of uncertainty. I am committed to uncertainty so I am just recognizing the feelings. (I am determined not to be comfortable and being complete is a laughable thought!) Also I am wondering if there is a job to do which I am not listening to the signals. When I left the big job, 31st March 2003, I was determined to do the things I am good at and enjoy. At the moment I am doing three days a week of this stuff. What do I do in the future with the other days?

Also I have three books in me and I am not doing anything about it.
1 a bumper book of 'Games without Frontiers' which was maybe the most popular games book I have done.
2 A book of questions. The fun kind, the thinking kind. The kind 'that makes me feel good' kind-a-thing.
3 A top-up to 'Gutter Feelings', the story of my life which is daily topped up in a partial way on these blogs. I have lots of 'gutter type' feelings to add. Interesting that I wanted to call the book 'Feeling Gutted' but the book editor was not familiar with the term "I am gutted".
4 A group resource handbook. Since April I have led at least 50 groups and and everyone with new stuff about the development of beautiful humans.

....... thats four...............