Friday, February 20, 2004

All sorts to say but bit tired at the end of this good run of working with beautiful humans. Going out to them. Telling and showing that they are beautiful. (80% of communication is non verbal ...... that is why God put all his love in a person and that person did it on the ground not just publish a book about it .... pausing and gasping for breath instead of a comma ....... and that is being flesh. There is NO alternative to flesh in the love work/mission)

Have talked with lots who are scarred humans. Some show it in-words and behaviour- some only in behaviour. I too have scars and aim to be, try to be open about that. I am becoming. I have not got there. I am incomplete. I am uncertain and want to be. I want to be a 'seems to me' not 'you should' type of person.

Some people, when with them and interacting, lighten my life. I feel myself coming more alive as I enjoy their communication and authentic-ness. I like to observe them and exchange shining eyes. Smiling eyes are a treat to engage with. I want to touch but don't. I want to hug but don't. (Those last two must come from them because I must always avoid oppression and self satisfaction.)

Others, I am frowning internally and biting my nails inside. I yearn for their balloon to be burst, that insecure balloon - that fear of being hurt balloon - that mask shaped balloon ............ but it is not me who can take that pin ...... the popping must come from the inside - out.
I want to scream and say ....... you can trust me. I will not throw your words, your expression, your foul language, your stumbling words ...... I will not throw them back in your face. I will not ridicule. Come on ...... love like you have never been hurt.

I am thinking of so many people now as I click for you and always my own need. It is different for you because you only see blank faces ....... or do you picture faces of people you know?

I am going to zzzzzz even though I have stax of buzzing thoughts ........... my dear blog friends ........... bless you .......... I met a man today with the name of BLESSING .............. tonight I send - as best as I can - blessings to you