...... thank YOU for being there and willing to scroll with me
down these words clicked from a stumbling soul at Wilson Mansions ............
I am all about wholeness but I know clearly how much I fail in the subject.
A professor of imperfection -
but beautiful all the same ...........
I am thinking about the thought
all about unconditional love.
I have had thoughts
I have started to dig the well
I am wondering what to share from my un-resolve ..............
What about this beautiful human below?
Seventeen years old,
a young woman
seven months living in a hostel,
following eight years in a Children’s Home –
‘in Care’ it is called.
Ten GCSEs.
Strong with words and opinions.
Lives on a few pounds a week, including the costs of cosmetics, toiletries, transport, non-hostel food.
Bitter against all the systems and structures – including the hostel.
Cannot get a job, she says, because living at the hostel is a stigma.
How do I work with - and I need to say - how do I love ............
Unconditional love ................ hmmmm
I want to click some words about this and don't know where to start.
Love escapes me - but I am in hot pursuit.
There is no learning
without
learning to love ......
I want to love unconditionally and strive to do that.
In fact - I live to do that.
Reminds me of my own Mission Statement
which is about the only thing that is not out of date on my www.pipwilson.com
The BHP thing - and
'you are beautiful'
'you are a beautiful human person'
phrases I use ......
These are affirmations which I use in face to face situations, and here of course.
They come out of a decision about the most obnoxious behaviour
which can emanate out of human person.
It is a decision to believe and put into practice::
that it is beautiful and essential to be accepting,
valuing and loving of that person and
this is the best way of contributing to that one life.
I was working with criminal and violent street gangs when this came at me.
My faith made me look again and away from the conventional media 'yob' talk.
My faith made me look again at the person before me -
and I realised that God loves that human despite behaviour.
My faith made me look again at the beautiful human before me
and see through the behaviour - to the very soul - to a person in pain.
My faith and a sense of failure made me look at a wider spectrum
of responses to 'hard to reach humans'.
My faith and recent progress with my own 'self acceptance’
made me realise that this human needs love more than all things.
So I fell in love - fell into love - tripped up on love - and dove right in ...............
I could write so much about love and also my failure to love.
More words and songs and poems are written about love than all other subjects,
But I will leave it here for now.
NOW - this Unconditional stuff - bit scary to think about this.
Do you think?
If we examine this - can we do little else but admit we fail?
Unconditional: dictionary = not limited by conditions; absolute:
Thesaurus:
Synonyms:
actual, all out, assured, categorical, certain, clear, complete,
decisive, definite, determinate, downright, entire, explicit,
final, flat out, full, genuine, indubitable, no catch*, no kicker*,
no strings*, open, out-and-out*, outright, plenary, positive,
straight out, thorough, thoroughgoing, total, unconstrained,
unequivocal, unlimited, unmistakable, unmitigated,
unqualified, unquestionable, unreserved, unrestricted,
utter, whole, wide open
Antonyms:
incomplete, limited
I say that I am committed to unconditional love with all the humans I am in contact with.
I say that I am imperfection in it
I say that I believe I will always be imperfection in it - but that is ok ...
..... as long as I strive ......
So the young human above::
I will be with her
Hang out
Be around if she wants to also be around
I will never push - give opinions ........
NEVER use the word 'should'.
I will accept her as she is.
Value her because of her qualities and unique personality.
At the right time she will become secure enough with me to talk in confidence
asking if it is confidential many times
From a life of broken promises and untrusting relationships - she needs this .....
She will tell me things and I will listen and ask gentle questions to help out ........
Eventually, maybe after some long time, she will ask what do I think?
and I will offer her a simple model which she can picture
and can also be a tool for her life toolbox ......
Maybe a scribbled five steps and a simple graphic
which I call 'Level Five' communication .........
Nothing which will enable her to become dependent ........
Something which she will be liberated by .........
A tool to use today and tomorrow .......
and ....... establish a good authentic open helping relationship
so she can talk again in her own time
whenever
when she is mad
stressed
upset
yearning ...............
I will continue to think into this one .... and will get back to you - always here ...
"Presence and availability
are the essence of love"
Gabriel Marcel
These are affirmations which I use in face to face situations, and here of course.
They come out of a decision about the most obnoxious behaviour
which can emanate out of human person.
It is a decision to believe and put into practice::
that it is beautiful and essential to be accepting,
valuing and loving of that person and
this is the best way of contributing to that one life.
I was working with criminal and violent street gangs when this came at me.
My faith made me look again and away from the conventional media 'yob' talk.
My faith made me look again at the person before me -
and I realised that God loves that human despite behaviour.
My faith made me look again at the beautiful human before me
and see through the behaviour - to the very soul - to a person in pain.
My faith and a sense of failure made me look at a wider spectrum
of responses to 'hard to reach humans'.
My faith and recent progress with my own 'self acceptance’
made me realise that this human needs love more than all things.
So I fell in love - fell into love - tripped up on love - and dove right in ...............
I could write so much about love and also my failure to love.
More words and songs and poems are written about love than all other subjects,
But I will leave it here for now.
NOW - this Unconditional stuff - bit scary to think about this.
Do you think?
If we examine this - can we do little else but admit we fail?
Unconditional: dictionary = not limited by conditions; absolute:
Thesaurus:
Synonyms:
actual, all out, assured, categorical, certain, clear, complete,
decisive, definite, determinate, downright, entire, explicit,
final, flat out, full, genuine, indubitable, no catch*, no kicker*,
no strings*, open, out-and-out*, outright, plenary, positive,
straight out, thorough, thoroughgoing, total, unconstrained,
unequivocal, unlimited, unmistakable, unmitigated,
unqualified, unquestionable, unreserved, unrestricted,
utter, whole, wide open
Antonyms:
incomplete, limited
I say that I am committed to unconditional love with all the humans I am in contact with.
I say that I am imperfection in it
I say that I believe I will always be imperfection in it - but that is ok ...
..... as long as I strive ......
So the young human above::
I will be with her
Hang out
Be around if she wants to also be around
I will never push - give opinions ........
NEVER use the word 'should'.
I will accept her as she is.
Value her because of her qualities and unique personality.
At the right time she will become secure enough with me to talk in confidence
asking if it is confidential many times
From a life of broken promises and untrusting relationships - she needs this .....
She will tell me things and I will listen and ask gentle questions to help out ........
Eventually, maybe after some long time, she will ask what do I think?
and I will offer her a simple model which she can picture
and can also be a tool for her life toolbox ......
Maybe a scribbled five steps and a simple graphic
which I call 'Level Five' communication .........
Nothing which will enable her to become dependent ........
Something which she will be liberated by .........
A tool to use today and tomorrow .......
and ....... establish a good authentic open helping relationship
so she can talk again in her own time
whenever
when she is mad
stressed
upset
yearning ...............
I will continue to think into this one .... and will get back to you - always here ...
"Presence and availability
are the essence of love"
Gabriel Marcel
BHP
