Thursday, March 18, 2004


gilles Peterson is ringing in my ears as i catch up on some deep e-mails too good to answer quickly ......

I am relaxed.
Feel good.
More alive than early evening when I slept.
Usually need to turn the brain off on Wednesday evening.

been loving people today. it feels like

I love the people I work with, staff, and the people I work with, the other humans - and we all have needs.
WE all have needs.

I suppose ~I must be a bit of a professional when it come to group work with special needs humans.
There cannot be many who do it regularly.
I feel like an amateur
I always give 125%
have to
I am stretched
I have to give my whole self
my all of experience
All of my energy ......

when half the group is under the influence of something making them high
it makes it tough
I accept it
there is no use saying 'come only when balanced'
I would be missing ............... too

the depth I yearn for
aim for
does not happens sometimes

when I get a number of new humans
there is a tough time ahead
there is 'the loud'
the quiet
the emotional
the loud
the great pretenders

usually what turns the bend to depth
it is when one person shows their vulnerability
I do
I expose that I am feeling a failure
feeling I am not being valued
my feelings
not their behaviour

sometimes I challenge a human in a sensitive way
if there is a big loud large front
'I'm ok - you're not ok'

it takes time but when they start to respect me
or others are seen to respect me
there is less harshness
more observation
more quiet

I honestly don't know if you are getting me here. You see - I am visualising this. Hearing this as I click dem keys.

Just want to share and appreciate you pausing
a lingering pip

to you