Monday, March 15, 2004


Hmmm I don't know how to start.
Two people on my heart and more. But two people popping up above the surface like an iceberg ........ and I don't want to be the Titanic.

1 Obnoxious behaviour. Language mostly. Coming right out of the soul.
-I believe that an obnoxious person is a hurting person.
-I believe that this human is valuable and precious.
The big issue, apart from all the other things you know about my beliefs, - is my behaviour (MY BEHAVIOUR) and response to this number one human before me.
I have emotions when I see the 'under the influence' eyes.
I have feelings when the aggression spits from the lips.
I am sensitive about my emerging negative reaction to the words which are at the opposite end of the spectrum to my own.
I made an un-requested verbal observation to the person about the behaviour. Not normal for me.
One affirmative.
One suggesting to the person that there is violence within. At the worst this could have been received as criticism. At the best as a gentle observation about violent words and negative attitudes.
If this person starts to respect me and feel/see/hear that there is love here available ........... I have a better chance to hear and be heard. Better chance for all humans around to work together for their own development.
A move is when an opinion is asked by this person - to me. That happened and that is a sign of emerging respect. There has been, for the first time, exchanges of positive words. There has been also a disclosure of confidential information about crime, violence and even revenge.
So you may get my approach towards this human. I want to build a mutual, non-hierarchical relationship. Age and role and status and chemical interference are not the issue. Only the development of both of us, because as I wrestle to understand and communicate, I will experience massive learning ....... of such is the Kingdom .......

I feel much better reflecting. I feel the person is including me in communications, in confidentiality. I see a move. A prayed for move. I await a coming closer and maybe, just maybe, there may be a a way that I can become responsible to (not responsible for) ............... this beautiful human.

2 When you have a background knowledge of a person. When you have sat close and felt the volcano within ready to erupt, I have feelings.
There has been a terrible childhood and not terrible parents BUT horrific behaviour from parents. When the person tells me they want to talk but also says that if they do ....... they will lose it. When that person then walks away across a four way road junction and not bothering or caring about the busy traffic ......... I have deep concern. When the message is that, after some smoked crack, the person is coming to get someone...... I have real cause for concern.

This is a bit heavy I am aware. But it is real. It is all related to what I want to do. It is part of not being at the centre and safe. It is part of being away from the centre - on the edge.

I cannot be clearer because of confidentiality.
I am glad I do what I do.
I am struggling but I accept that.
Sometimes I don't and I love that - struggle that is!

....................... there is beauty in becoming.
The most beautiful flower, for me, is the one which pops up through a crack in the concrete.